Saturday, December 03, 2005

I Feel Scared

Does it ever seem like things just keep getting worse? Your car breaks down, you go into debt, you lose your job, you find out that everyone hates you and that you serve no purpose. There's never a proper explanation, but when you're in the middle of it, you just want to give up or at least stab yourself in the eye. There has to be some escape!

I've been overdone by a singing Santa that I have to stand beside for hours a day. Children press his button over and over to make him dance and sing. When I'm dying to rip his wires out, I have to smile and nod my head along to his carols. Then I have an inflateable snowman taking up most of my space. I'm being colonized by annoying Christmas characters. They are the least of my problems.

Here's hoping that things will turn around. I feel tired and used up today because I have so much to do but nowhere to start. Exams are coming. It's dark outside, and scary. The emptiness cannot help me but perhaps facing it will.

6 Comments:

Blogger Carrie said...

oh my...i almost thought i had clicked on jason's link. dude...sometimes life sucks donkey balls...ok maybe alot, but there are times when things are awesomerad too.....this obviously isn't one of them for you, but once exams are done and christmas break arrives, you can chill out and get things in perspective. positive reflection can help. No one hates you, certainly not I quite the opposite....and you are young, cute and healthy....you live in a fantastic country and province...and you are intelligent as all get out. chin up young man....foot forward.....you will be just fine. and if not. wellbutrin...as Jason would say! :) kidding...sort of....and just take out the batteries on the santa, either that or smoke a fattie before work...that'll trip you out! :P xo

9:36 AM  
Blogger sirbarrett said...

Mitz you're the best. You're right it gets better. What is wellbutrin? Some kind of neuropsychotic medication? Santa was funny today. He kept singing "It's the most wonderful time of the year" and I kept thinking: you couldn't be more wrong. Yet, he's just a harmless machine. If he got to go through the real life he'd have lot more to say, and that's our gift. There are people in a lot worse situation than you or I, so thanks for the cheerup. xo

4:17 PM  
Blogger Carrie said...

anytime sweetie.

and yes wellbutrin is exactly that (whatever u said) lol.

11:03 AM  
Blogger Cocaine Jesus said...

i would rather not suck a donkeys balls but perhaps that's me being typically british. there are times though, in all seriousness when life really does suck big time but the trick is to remember it doesn't always and that sooner or later it will get better.
my daughter has just got her degree and what a pain in the arse that whole exercise was. so much studying and so little time for fun!

11:30 AM  
Blogger Lorena said...

i bet the music can get annoying :)
i can't seem to get in the christmas spirit. over the years i have lost the magic of it. this year it's officially gone! but i'm trying to find it, the closest i get to it is when i'm writing my christmas cards.

anyhow,
i hope you feel better.
i for one am no stranger to the feeling of emptiness. i'm trying to fight it myself.

hope you find some peace.

1:49 PM  
Blogger Queen of Ass said...

You know, I swear I posted a comment to this yesterday, but it looks like Blogger ate it.

(stupid blogger.)

6:14 PM  

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