Monday, November 28, 2005

Eat, Sleep, Relapse, Resume

It's the official day for a blah post. Mitzzee and I both agree about Mondays. Today wasn't too bad all in all, except I woke up 3 hours after my alarm and felt like I was on morphine.

My dance with over-exertion all started last Thursday when the skies dumped 15 centimeters of snow. Visibility was nil, and the roads claimed many lives. The shoulders of streets were lined with tire tracks; the indications of where people had temporarily lost control of their vehicles. I drove to the old grocery store where those who were lucky enough (and insane enough) to go shopping, were. It's kinda unusual, but I sell cell phones there alllllllllllllllll weekend. He sells cell phones in the food store. It's a great job. For the most part I have to convince people that they could save money by switching plans, because everyone has a cell phone, but occasionally I run into Luddites who have never owned a phone, and they can become a little confrontational.

My job is a tongue-twister. I've got people whizzing by me like cannonballs and I have to spit out something attention-grabbing before it's too late. The main key term: "simple cellular solution". Yeah, it's fun to say. Say it ten times as fast as you can. Go!:
simplecellularsolution simplecellularsolution simplecellularsolution simplecellularsolution simplecellularsolution simplecellularsolution
simplecellularsolution simplecellularsolution simplecell, ach, that's enough!

Sometimes people are on homing-missile mode. They see a can of cheesewhiz in the distance, and their one goal is to close in on it. Therefore, their attention is not at all directed at me, even though I am doing my best to smile pleasantly. I have to come crashing in to destroy their little world of selective focus.

"Hello sir, are you seeking a simple cellular solution?" "What?" Then their pupils dilate. They look scared, confused. They look around at all the various models of cellphones which make up my backdrop, then the wheels start turning. "Oh, no, I'm not interested in a cell phone." or "Sorry, I'd like to bury the one I have." Then I'm just a bundle of positivity: "Perfect, well, that's the beauty of our plan. If you ever grow to hate it, there's no contract, so you can throw it out the window!" I both fear and invite all the possibilities of thought and action this question inspires in the customers mind. Sometimes however, I alternate, and simply ask people if they have a phone they're happy with. If you're happy, I'm happy. Great.

I met a nice woman who said she spends $500 a month on her cell phone. I told her that was crazy and why doesn't she switch? Well, while we were talking, she was interrupted twice by her phone. She took the calls and then explained that she was very busy. People call her from all over the world. She works for a GPS company that monitors trucks and tanks. People all know her by the number she has. She can't switch. Apparently.

Sometimes you get the smartasses who like to poke at your euphemisms. You ask them if they are looking for a "simple cellular solution" and they say "so you have figured out a trick to make me live forever?" Ha. Ha. Am I wearing a white-coat? No, I'm not talking about gene therapy. Think of the other cellular. Another quick snapper shot back at my question with the question: "Why? Do you also offer complicated cellular solutions?" Then there are people who you never know which side of the toaster they woke up on. One of these luddites explained to me that it's cell phones, not green house gases, that are causing global warming. We're microwaving our brains with all these wacky particles that are circulating from our communication devices. He had a unique perspective on science and had never heard of the Kyoto protocol either. He was dead against space travel because every time we take off into outer space, we're carrying the stratosphere with us. Eventually, our world is just going to crumble because of the vast vacuum we've created for ourselves. If only we got rid of cell phones, stopped flying space ships into outer space and burnt more fossil fuels, we'd have a nice protective blanket to reverse global warming. Ok. U-huh. Right.

The worst reaction I had from a customer was an old man who looked like he was already three feet in the grave. I pitied the way his one leg dragged behind him. His demeanor was also less than cheery. When I was introducing the product he maintained his far away look and said "I don't know what you're yapping about, and I DON'T CARE!" I didn't mind that he wasn't that into me, but it was how grumpily he justified his ignorance. It was the most passionate I've ever seen someone not care ever!!!

So I did my thing and sold a couple phones. I adored the young mothers affectionately eating their babies in the check-out lines or playing pikaboo and the store people, who'd get a little curious about the promo themselves and come over for a chat. After work, I went out to Guelph to put up this WANTED sign for Howard. I'll admit, I'd really like to figure out where he went missing, and I have to make sure that nothing corrupt has gone down. It's been months, and still I haven't heard a word from him. I talked to the authorities, and they promised me they would lead a little bit of an investigation into his whereabouts. I didn't want to spend too much money on specialized services to track him because you never know what they might do. Howard could be in a really vulnerable situation. Since I don't have a picture of him, I just described him and put them up in the libraries and the pool halls where he used to go. I figure he's unique enough that people might be able to report that they had seen him or they know where he's staying. If anyone else is reading this and knows where he is, please help me find him. You can let him know that I'm not angry about our fight anymore, I just want to know that he's ok. So after putting up posters, I went to the CD release party for the Nate Coles Outfit.

Nate has been playing for about a decade. He writes songs and hosts the open mic with a maturity and experience that comes through. He can also make excellent cricket and other sound effects that he produces with his very own voice box. Richard was there in his cowboy hat and all the fans were kicking their boots up and cheering. Andy was tired, so there was no after concert poker, but I did have the chance to make it obvious to him that we were going to have to watch Clockwork Orange together soon.

Last night I saw Nate Coles again at the open mic. He adjusted my vocals so that I had lots of juicy reverb. It was fairly empty, but that made the sound perfect. I got to play four of my songs and shoot some pool. He asked me if I was looking for Howard and I said "yes why have you seen him?" "No" He had just seen the poster he said, so I was glad at least that someone noticed.

Today was just a day like any other Monday. I was tired and sick of the go go go. I told my partners I wasn't coming in for a meeting, and just sent them some updates from my home computer instead. The dreadful cough was my excuse. It happens every winter until I toughen up. The blood donor clinic called for their supply, but you can't be sick when you do it, so unfortunately I have nothing to give in the way of useful bodily fluids these days. I couldn't get the flu shot either for the same reason. I guess colds keep needles away like apples do doctors. I bought the Fiery Furnaces CD -practicing for my choir, which is a highly entertaining album about the secrets and stories of the Freiburger family. Brother, sister and grandma retell her story in the form of spoken word, singing and through some very colourful notes and textures. It reminds me of a cartoon in a way -like Warner Bros music. The keyboard hammers out some tunes as if they are being practiced on an old stand-up in an abandoned nursery school. "Gather round kids, and listen to this tune. Is it sad?" the uniquely sounding grandmothers voice on the disc asks, as her grandson plays a sombre melody.

Now it seems so delightful an option to eat and sleep and laze. The snow has turned to rain and it is mild. Quite the suitable setup to stay in, read, and rest up for more active days.

1 Comments:

Blogger Carrie said...

dude..u r seriously concerned about your friend huh?! i sort of thought you were kidding. i hope he turns up, or that you at least get news of him somehow. good luck. God bless. etc.

yes mondays suck ass.

sorry yours did too.

i wish i was filthy rich so when it snowed i could just lounge by a fire all day and revel in its glory. ah to dream the unthinkable dream. (sigh)

3:57 PM  

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