Getting Closer

I read this post from Gulnaz, and it made me think of the trouble I put myself through sometimes just to feel that I am indeed sane. I give myself guilt-trips and make up rules for myself that I'm sure to break, only to pity myself. But then again, the goals I make challenge me, and although I may not accomplish them, I train myself to get closer. I am always struggling to get closer to somewhere where I'll feel comfortable with myself, where I'll feel fit, alert, intelligent, suave, computer-saavy, in control. But it only happens in glimpses. It's like chasing the sun, you can only do it a day at a time. You break your record little by little. Then I started to feel that this is the human condition. We're either terrified of death, or terrified to live. Either way, we deal with it in our own way.

Never to be Someone Else

My own mind torments me,
but I think this is a mastery of a new art,
the art of becoming,
and as I change,
I grieve not for the man that died in me.
Well perhaps a little,
-everyone longs for yesterday, but lives for tomorrow.
I thank him for showing me a friend, and passing him on.
Sure, he wasn't always himself, nor the person he was before that,
but he doesn't wish to be somebody else, because then how would he know it?
How would he see what dreams come from short-comings,
if he could trade all his failures, for someone else's luck?

@Copyright 2005