Friday, December 31, 2004

The Rush of the Last Day of 2004

Just on lunch break right now. I filled up balloons all morning with helium: star-shaped balloons, black balloons, orange “gold” balloons, and white (off white) balloons. This is in preparation for the big New Years bash tonight at the Revolution and the Flying Dog. It is much better than shoveling snow like I did most of yesterday although nothing can beat the food preparation I got my hands into for the rest of the day.

What could be more fulfilling than this: We had metal stands upon which we impaled pineapples. We had to core them first with a metal cylindrical thing. I remarked at the time that it felt like slaying vampires only with pineapples. The cores would get jammed in the thing though and then they were very stubborn pineapples. That’s where the hammer came in to bash the rod down through the core and wait for the other end to ejaculate. There was often an explosion that would send them flying, cork-like, to the ceiling. When we were all finished, the impaled pineapples were all lined up to make a pineapple tree, serving as the trunk while the top was decorated with real palm branches and an unsliced pineapple complete with its bushy top. Apparently shrimp was to be added to this decadent fruit decoration thing.

Since I am often booked on two different schedules at the same time, I am but one man so I have trouble fulfilling my job duties because I’m short one clone. Last night was a case where one schedule showed that I was not working while the treacherous one showed that I did. I was with my former self last night watching television with Johnny so I don’t know what went on at work but this morning, to my surprise, I was supposed to be at work but not one of me had even shown up. The reason I went with the schedule that claimed I had a little respite was because that was the one I checked. I’m very disappointed that the me that was supposed to work wasn’t there but at the same time, having myself all together really alleviated some of my schizophrenic symptoms.

The funny little things Johnny says sometimes!! Her and I were supposed to watch As Good as it Gets (no, it was actually Something's Gotta Give)which she advocates strongly, however, since her computer was busy fighting viruses; we ended up watching a C-section on a pig. I couldn’t believe how big the amniotic sac was. The piglets seemed like they would never end. Lioness has her own kind of sac that she calls her “marbliosac” but instead of containing piglets, it holds her brains. We saw a screwotomy on an iguana that apparently has a penchant for eating little metal objects.

She was explaining how I can fix my neck and posture and why my physiology is disadvantaged to standing-up-straightness. Then, speaking of necks and digressing into a fashion debate again, she had the most amazing observation: “People without necks have no business wearing turtlenecks.” I tried to play the devils advocate and suggest that for people without necks, half of their face is a neck and they can wear whatever they want but I think I agree with her. They shouldn’t try to hide their face if their head is only supported by shoulders. Anyways, I thought that was interesting. I will grab my white crisp shirt for work and go now. It will be a long, long night. By the end of it, it will be a new year.

6 Comments:

Blogger Savtadotty said...

Oh well, Jack Nicholson or a pig's amniotic sac...what's the diff when you have good company?

1:24 PM  
Blogger Noorster said...

Tell Johnny I am appalled by her comment on vertebraeically (?) challenged people.
No, wait, tell her I send big sloppy kisses and I miss her.

12:25 PM  
Blogger Lala said...

How is she doing? Tell her I'm thinking about her.

7:36 AM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

The pineapple thing? A little scary but written very funny.

Hope you had a great New Year!

11:56 AM  
Blogger Noorster said...

Sorry, I was soooo rude...
First, have a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
And thank you for taking care of Johnny. You're a gem.

5:15 PM  
Blogger sirbarrett said...

Firstly, I love you all. Johnny is fine. She's making gizzards right now. They taste lovely. This is a new thing for me. Yey!

11:59 AM  

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