Sunday, September 11, 2005

Fall Tinged with Love


It was a gorgeous sunny day, shifting into an evening of bright stars, on the occasion of Kazuto Okawa and Katie Austin's wedding. It's funny to think: it all starts with a little spark, an interest, an attraction, a question, then it winds up being full-blown love. I was happy to finish up class in the afternoon, have lunch with classmates on a patio, then drive off to London in order to get there early, taking about an hour and a half to get there.

The first week of moving back and starting school has been busy and exhausting. Being able to drive again, and listen to CBC radio in the car again, now that they're finished their stike, is bliss. However, I'm feeling a little dispassionate and over rested at this moment, in a mood where I could read T.S. Eliot's "Love Sonnet of J. Alfred Prufrock" a couple times, rather than taking in a success story of love. I have just woken up after deciding that the dreams I was having weren't good enough, that my mind was seemingly running out of worthwhile material and starting to splice and loop, though I definitely needed the sleep catch-up.

My dreams all seemed like vague moody nothing dreams where all the characters make gestures, appear to act normally and you can sense what they're saying, but there doesn't seem to be any coherent plot or dialogue because they don't even talk, there is just impressions and mindless wandering. Lately I have that sense of wandering and adjusting, because everything is going on around me -people getting new jobs, moving to new cities, starting clubs, etc. I'm in an old place, and I have to get over all the things that are different, change them again, then get out. I live with the crickets again, out on the farm, but I don't chat to the same people or have the same routine, and I'm going to have to set up my furniture differently. When I came back earlier this week, my room was just how she arranged it for me last. The way I had it set up before that just wouldn't do, so she took a day to shift things around, fold my clothes in piles, and rearrange my bookshelves. It was great. She was good at it. I guess you could say she had that organizational leaning, but I haven't seen her for so long now, and since the room still bears her last touch, it freaked me out.

I have anxiety spells where I feel like I've stumbled into the wrong doorway among millions of doors down a long hallway, and now I don't know which way is out, or whether I should just keep going. Call it my quarter-life crisis. During sleep or wake I have this gnawing feeling that time is running out, or that I'm late for something, everything. I guess what my body is saying during sleep is: wake up! You have lots of work to do. Every day is a new detective game. Sometimes I'm playful, sometimes I'm not. I'm not so playful now because I haven't learned the cover song I wanted to, alphabetized my CD's or finished reading my training booklet yet. Part of me wants to run off, drink coffee on some patio and read, but that would be irresponsible and perhaps more thinking is not what I need. Going to weddings are one of those occasions where you are compelled to do progress analyses on the lives of those around you. I compared myself to friends, making note of those who have moved away, or started sharing a place with their partner, and wondered how far off I could be from starting a family myself. So much love in the air, you want to share it. I found myself getting caught up and wanting to be married, but then I'd remind myself I don't even have a girlfriend. All you need is love right? Well you need more than just bread to make a sandwich. Anyway, it's Sunday afternoon and I must do homework soon, clean, and prepare some sort of marketing plan for an upcoming career fair at the college, but first, I'll share the experience of my friend's beautiful wedding, as I gather my wits.

Another one lost/found to/by love! I went to London, to the home of the bride, my long-time friend's bride, meeting her and her family, then saw them joined in holy matrimony. I've known my friend since high school, after he moved here from Japan. We played music together and recorded a rap song. We went to university together and had philosophical arguments. We lived together and made stir-fry's together. We talked over coffee, and always knew we were similar. We call each other brothers. Perhaps we are both the doubting type. We are the questioning, hopeful, instable type, which is not so flattering, however, I think we do well to make it through, and he is a kind, honest man who will always be loyal to his wife. He just finished his degree in sound engineering and now he works in a studio in Toronto. Eventually he wants to edit sound for movies and video games, and continue writing his own music. His girlfriend lives in London, but once they become more established, they'll move in together. For the meantime, they visit. They went to Montreal for their honeymoon (pre-wedding) but now they begin a whole new journey of life together. Special.

It was so romantic! I arrived at the house, then followed the photographers out onto a floating dock, where the bride and groom posed for pictures against the backdrop of a setting sun and kayakers whisking themselves down the river. I had to dance around the photographers and make sure I wasn't causing a shadow, or blocking their angle, but I wanted to take some pictures too (which are sure to come once developed). My friend is Japanese, and people kept telling him he looked like a samurai. The repetition was annoying/amusing for him, but I suppose he did look like one, though he carried no sword, because of his long hair and chiseled body. He dressed in a white dress shirt and black pants. The bride wore a black dress with a red flower on the strap, had her hair curled and wore dangly earrings that made me think of a middle-eastern influence. I think it must always be difficult to stage intimacy in front of cameras, but they managed smoothly, and made us laugh. There was a great moment that the camera wasn't quick enough to catch, when they were facing each other as silhouettes in front of a blazing sun, on the brink of kissing. They held that pose for long enough that the groom had to break the suspense by sticking out his tongue, and giving the bride's lip and quick little lick. Very funny.

The house had spacious rooms with dark red and blue and green walls, paintings, and antique furniture perfect for hosting an event like this. They served wine, saki, sandwiches, vegetables, and sushi. The service was conducted after some mingling around the house, and took place in the living room at around 9:30pm. It wasn't a usual service, but quite unique in fact. Not everyone could fit inside, so there were people standing in the front yard, watching in from the windows. The bride and groom faced the crowd, and a non-denominational reverend introduced himself and carried on with the magic. He seemed like a nice, earthly man, though touched with the holy. He explained that marriage is a bond that needs to be renegotiated on a daily basis, sustained, and re-expressed, but that having everyone of us there was also our commitment to uphold the bond between these two young lovers. He read a poem about love and told us all to think of what the occasion meant to us in our own way, with our own God. I'm not sure if he was being candid or not, or considerate of wedding night protocol, but he reminded us that although there was going to be a party, the bride and groom need their rest, as do we. He read a poem with wise analogies to love like the comparison of lovers and two pillars of a temple, that may have to stand apart, though they support the same foundation. It reminded me of the poem in Corinthians 13 where Paul says:

"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal...love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely; does not seek its own; is not provoked; thinks no evil; does not rejoice in inequity but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails, But whether there are prophecies, they will fail, whether there are tongues, they will cease, whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away...When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face..."

Kaz's mother flew in for the occasion, and I got to catch up with old schoolmates, and see PJ, who just got back from Switzerland, with his neck completely healed. Although Kaz's mother hasn't seen much of him, and she has now given away her son, she told him he made the right choice by staying in Canada, after seeing him with his friends. I met her and took a shot with my Japanese. It was too bad for her to understand, but I felt like we bonded when we smiled at each other. There was also an abundance of beautiful young women and humorous individuals, making it a very lively party. We stayed up until the wee hours, danced, then I fell asleep on one couch and somehow woke up on another. We had a lazy Saturday breakfast together, and toasted the new union with a coke. It was exciting. Congratulations Kazuto and Katie!

Ok, now it is time for me to put away some of my childish things, set up the drum set, and get down to work, but I'll leave you with this Hamlet quote:

"Doubt thou the stars are fire, Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; but never doubt I love"

Filed under Events

7 Comments:

Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

You write very beautifully and with great expression!

Thank you for visiting my blog.

All the best with your work, as you start the school year.

4:39 PM  
Blogger Potted-flower said...

But doubt I love, for thin line doth unruly.

did that make sense?

12:53 PM  
Blogger sirbarrett said...

Potted Flower -Umm, I have several guesses about what you might mean. Tell me if I'm right: You don't believe in love because the line between love and doubt is so fine that they cancel each other out? Or does the line make you unruly and full of love in a way that makes you want to force others to doubt it? Or are you saying that it is doubtful that you would be in love if you doubted it, though being full of hopes is hard to verify? (I would agree with that. The only way to prove that you're in love is to be it, which you can prove to nobody but yourself and maybe not even that. Though when you are in the situation, you don't think there is a reason to doubt it at all). How does the 'thin line unruly'? I take it that you are using 'unruly' as a verb instead of an adjective, but that makes it very tricky to decipher. Do you mean that the thin line is unruly or that it makes you unruly, and thus doubtful of being in love? Or you perhaps you mean that you don't believe in love because you can't doubt that you don't doubt love, and therefore have no logical spectrum of truth to compare against?

No, I gave it my best shot, but now I'm confused. Will you please explain?

7:58 PM  
Blogger Carrie said...

love is beautiful and precious but it doth not last forever, it comes and it goes.....only the love of a parent and child or sibling can survive all time.....few people are lucky enough to remain in love for the duration of a lifetime....they must be blessed in some very special way. take it when you can and cherish it while it lasts. better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

10:27 AM  
Blogger Lorena said...

you really know how to write. are you a writer? i love your reflective thoughts on life, comparisons to others(though we shouldn't do that) and on finding love.

the wedding sounded wonderful.

the quote you left us with AMAZING.

"because everything is going on around me" i can so relate to this. you really expressed it wonderfully. it's tough feeling stuck.

i hope you don't feel so lost anymore :)

9:28 PM  
Blogger sirbarrett said...

Yes, love is beautiful. Even to see it in others is a gift.

Barbarafromcalifornia -thanks for the good wishes.

Mitz -I don't know if you can give a time warranty on love or not. By the intensity of feeling, it seems like it could last forever, but of course I know I'll die before that. We dispense of our feelings in limited ways, but what unravels from that, no one can predict. Though you are right: my mother and father are two people that I cannot dispute have been there always, unlike others. Lovers leave you to die in the dessert, after quenching your temporary thirst. You have to accept that going into the game. No one will love you forever, but to be understood at least, that is a good thing.

Lorena -you make me blush. I hope that I am a writer because that is what I attempt to do, but I realize sometimes I can go off the mark. There are so many different venues for writing, which is why I try to break it up between musically delivered messages and text messages in various styles. This is a training exercise for me, but it's also more than that -it's like hanging out. I completed a degree in english but then I wasn't ready for the professional world. Now I study on, I document things, I think about things, as always, though hopefully improving. You're quite a thinker yourself. You can capture the glimpses, and that's why I imagine you have a keen eye for detail. There is lots going on around us and it's beautiful. I hope I find some more stability, but you are definitely an inspiration.

8:14 PM  
Blogger iamnasra said...

Hi there
Hope you will have great weekend..Its nice to read bit and pieces of your knew..Glad to know you ad chance to to clean your room
well mine is waiting for me..
I so apperciate you frequent visits to me blog and I would like to tell you..you do put a smile into my face with your kind words...

Thank you for being there in my blog

1:21 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home

Who Links Here