Could You Recognize a Mango if you Saw One?

I like my job because I get to see so many different parts of the world. This week I saw a little bit of Brazil and a little bit of Costa Rica. Then I chopped those pieces into bite size.

Apparently many people don't know what mangos are. I had people come up to my booth asking what kind of cheese I was serving, or exclaiming "I love papayas!" These are not mangos here. No, this is a picture of my pineapple booth, but both fruits are sweet and tasty. The mango is good for your skin, and the pineapple is a wonderful compliment for a beef or fish dish because it helps you digest. The older generation especially hadn't had much exposure to mangos. I suppose greater trade liberalization has led to uncommon fruits being integrated into our market over their lifetime. Children swarmed the booth and knew a mango when they saw one. How the mango was greeted had so many forms: "Mango." "Mango?" "Mango!!"

Well, this weekend was wonderful. I trained for my new sales job starting this Thursday, I got out of town and had some voyaging to Toronto. I went to Guelph to see Wintersleep, but then by Sunday night, I was exhausted and full of anxiety. All this man go man go man go made me man gone. I started panicking because I have a huge essay on the UN due tomorrow that I was going to work on last night. So what did I do? I went to sleep and didn't wake up until 14 hours later. In that time, I dreamed that I met a self-proclaimed doctor. He didn't do anything you would typically associate with medicine, but we sat and talked for what seemed like hours. I didn't recognize the man, but it was comforting.

I woke up today feeling seasonally depressed and emotionally numb. We had to do peer editing on our fundraiser letters, and so my partner wanted more advice on what to do. I couldn't help her and I ended up telling her that it doesn't matter what she does. She could do it this way or that. She asked "well which do you think I should do?" "I just don't care." Yes, today I am not much fun to be around. I feel like it doesn't matter lately that I am so busy. I am not excited. Quantity can never replace quantity. The colour of things has faded. I want to be out of school. I want to start up my own life. I see couples with children in the mall and it makes me jealous. Families must know something I don't, I think. I feel like I'm behind.

It's been a really long time since I had a good long talk with someone, not the talk where you're merely keeping track of the trivial details: work, school, schedule etc. It's been a long time since I've met someone new. I don't feel like anything can happen in the romance department, because I still have misunderstandings about the past. My ex told me (so long ago now!) that every word that comes out of my mouth is me, me, me, and right now it's true. People say mean things when they break up, but I'm not impressed with myself either. I have to do something to have something to talk about, and open up. What is there to have faith in when everyone I've ever loved has ended up lost or hating me? I know part of it has to do with choosing the right person and treating them right, but what if you just don't like the right person? I get to the point sometimes where I wish I could at least fight with the person I miss to know that they cared. Sometimes people just give up on you. I try to maintain old relationships, but they've gone stale lately because I haven't put enough of myself in them. I saw the article that I've been trying to publish forever in the school newspaper, but it's old to me now. Excuse me, I self-indulge. Though, it's comforting to know that other people feel this way.

I watched the Alice in Chains DVD with Andy. Lance Staley expresses the cyclically negative feeling in Down in a Hole. It's not so wonderful that he became a recluse, lost his arm from injecting too many needles and eventually died of a drug overdose, but his voice is amazing and his words were honest. Right now I feel like this poem from antivicieux (Nov 8/04) reads:

i cannot often
defend

turn sullenly
against

tired gestures
full of
catastrophic promise

In the end
I will be nowhere

adaylikeanyotherday

caught up
(erased)

swallowed,

discovered;
a tavern of possibilities

a headless body
a bodyless head

no matter

will never know
past pity

for my mortality.

I ran to my horoscope to try to reaffirm how I already feel:
"The next three weeks may be frustrating, but it won't be for lack of trying to work things out -- not on your part, anyway. You may want to straighten things out with your elders, but you can't do it alone." (http://www.fun-horoscopes.com/)

Great. So maybe I will need some friends.

Ironically, today is what CBC radio has proclaimed "loosen up, lighten up" day. Let's see if we can turn things around. Things you can do when you're feeling down are:

Smile
The activation of the facial muscles will actually trick your brain into thinking you're happy.

Go for a walk
It's good for you physically and psychologically. It counteracts the going nowhere feeling.

Exercise
This will give you a natural flow of endorphins.

Eat chocolate
This will give you an artificial flow of endorphins.


Eat something healthy
My favorite appetizer using fresh fruit is to cut some pieces of mango, place them on a round flatbread with pieces of bri cheese, put another flatbread on top (like a fajita) then place in the oven for 10 minutes. For more info on Brazilian fruits, visit here

Do something nice for someone
Open a door, say hello, take your kids bowling, write a letter to your grandparents or send someone flowers with a note about why they're important to you.

I've about exhausted my list of things to do to lighten up and loosen up, but I welcome your suggestions. I hope you all have a happy, care-free day today.

Shalom