Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Death of a Furnace and The Big Bad Frost

Sit down children! Come round and let me melt the snow off your collar with a little tale:

Once upon a time there was a valiant old furnace. It burned day and night to warm the hearts and minds of its inhabitants. But the inhabitants were busy playing their instruments, having parties and messing up the house. They didn't have time to think about rising gas prices. They didn't have time to thank the furnace. They didn't even have time to fix a window that was broken! And it was winter time! They took the valiant old furnace for granted while its heat was being constantly wasted. Still, it kept the house as heated as it could, as a good furnace should.

Then the big bad frost came and things weren't the same but the furnace was only more inflamed with passion! It pumped and it pumped to protect its little inhabitants from the cold. However, when the furnace wasn't looking, the big bad frost got wind of the furnace's efforts, sneaked up behind the furnace and blew its pilot light right out! What could be worse? Try as it might, the furnace could not get a single spark of energy to rejuvenate its former fieriness.

It would be nice to be here right now.

Remember how in Season Pangs I suggested that people need spirit to get through this season, especially if say, their furnace were to break down in minus 15 degree weather? Well, it seems I've really jinxed myself because MY FURNACE HAS BROKEN DOWN! Meanwhile, it's simply a lucky coincidence that this comes at a time when I have a broken window and when the wind chill makes the cold even colder than minus 15.

So I bet you can guess that I'm not lazing around in my Hawaiian T-shirt.

The repairman will be by shortly to confirm that the pilot light is out, which apparently is normal considering the high winds that make it feel like it's minus 18 outside. Although I might be a master at hotwiring my thermostat with a paper clip, I'm not going to mess around with a machine that has the power to blow my house and I up. When the repairman comes, he will show the furnace the way, the truth and most importantly, the light, (aka a match to the pilot light), then my valiant old furnace will come back to life.

Meanwhile, I've been expressing my "spirit" by wearing my boots in the house, burning candles and watching my breath as I sip hot chocolate with marshmallows. I feel now as if I know what it is like to live in an igloo. The water in my toilet hasn't frozen yet though, which I take as a sign that maybe the spirit alone has enough in it to kindle a little bit of warmth.

When this is all over I'm going to hug my furnace.



Blogger Devil Mood said...

Please hug it only before you turned it on!
I'm so sorry you're living in an igloo! The only thing that really makes me forget about the cold (okay, the "relative cold") is dancing and exercising, so...put your records on! ;)

Good luck with the repair!

3:58 p.m.  
Blogger Feminist Gal said...

I've always heard that igloos are actually pretty warm, no?
Yum...hot chocolate with marshmallows... i think i'll go make some of that for myself now :)

Thanks for commenting on my blog, maybe i am niave like everyone's been telling me...

4:19 p.m.  
Blogger Feminist Gal said...

i'm glad :) duct tape fixes everything... "if you can't duck it, fuck it" right? :)

9:08 a.m.  

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