New View

I'm happier again, fitter, healthier. I finally caught up on my sleep, ending the 4 hour/night average of sleep binge, which made me actually think I would collapse several times at work.

Work I'm sick of, and some really nasty things have happened to people around me: break-ups, fights, robbings, cancer, and car troubles; shit-storms. The one good thing about work is that as I'm crouched in tiger position grinding panels, bouncing on and off the walls, my mind goes over its ponderables, and adds a few to the list. I was discussing things with Sanjay and Chris and others last night over a wobbly-pop, that after a certain point, there's no reason to fear hell, because we are living it. It can't get worse, but it can get better.

Through it all I was surprised and enlightened by how much it means to be comforted, just to have people there. People are all the more real to me if everything hasn't been peachy to them. My friends are all gems. I realize the summer has raced past, and now is the time to really make something of it.

This past weekend I went to a vintage car show featuring Datsuns and trans-ams from the 60's and Ford's from the 50's and Studebakers, and Jags and even some cute scooters. The highlight was an old-style car with fake bullet-holes stuck on it and three manicans inside; a sexy blonde, and two men in suits and hats holding machine-guns. The display included a wanted poster of Al Capone, a local hero/villain/gangster who apparently bootlegged in Guelph (where I live) during prohibition. There were also ones for his main hitmen, Mugs and "the machinegun." Apparently Al died in prison from neurosyphilis and had thousands of runners and mobsters working under him. Is neurosyphilis an STD? I don't know. Anyway...

Yesterday was the summer solstice, and the moon was beautiful. Though I've lost a friend recently, I imagine she might have seen the same moon 6 hours later. It sucks that we don't talk. It's like she's dead in a way. Somehow the thought of both our eyes lighting on the same orb in the sky gives me mental calm though. I don't hate her, we just had differences. In a different world we might have been neighbors or shared a bunk-bed, but we don't. I realize that even if you really care for someone, there are sometimes circumstances that keep you apart. They aren't worth compromising over. So you just have to pick up and start again.

Tomorrow I get to go rock-climbing with a girl I ran into that I hadn't seen for about 2 years. I feel fit enough from this job that I might be adept at the sport, however, she has the advantage of being built like a spider, hyper-extensive and flexible. I'm bigger, inexperienced, but fairly limber. I've had some practice climbing balconies. We'll see what happens.

The sun was at its zenith at the tropic of cancer, blaring down with light, so much so, that when I woke up at 10pm, the sky still had a blueish tinge, and the stars were just starting to come out. It is rare that there is both a full moon and a summer solstice at the same time, but yesterday was cosmic. I feel a great release and new energy to see people and do places and cross into new territory. I'm scouting out a new view.