Friday, March 18, 2005


Having a strange moment of boredom just now. No one is on msn. The school looked like a ghost town today. Has everyone gone missing? No, just busy probably. It was lioness' birthday today. woot! Here I am sitting at my computer, alone in my house. Apparently, because of Dr.Phil's influence, my father was coerced into taking my mother out for dinner. I will not throw a possesive child temper tantrum. Couples are supposed to do this thing. My parents have always had a good relationship but they had five kids. I think it's good for them to get out on their own once in awhile. Wow, you know you're bored when what your parents do seems exciting! No, that's not true BC, don't say that. Parents are cool. Ok.

So, it was a busy week but only because I spent a lot of time doing tedious things like running around getting transcripts in the hope of being admitted late for Fanshawe college. I'd like to do a post-grad one year program instead of the diploma PR program I'm doing now and finish at the same time as I would next spring. I think I'd benefit from a change in geography. This year I'm sheltered, and it's fine, but, it's strange. I don't really connect with my classmates, I hadn't researched the program before I started, I'm always late and tired because of my schedule, things just make me go blech! I'm not used to living at home. That's why I often escape to Guelph, where I lived last year, but yet, I don't really fit there anymore either.

I also got some info about teaching english abroad, which would be awesome. I have a craving to see more of the world. I originally wanted to teach right after university, but I didn't get into teacher's college. Why not teach a skill I already have and is it high demand: english-speaking! I stayed up late on Wednesday trying to figure out my new recording software. I yipped with glee at finally being able to record multiple tracks but then disappointed myself at not being able to smoothly loop a midi track that I created. There are so many features it's amazing, but it also means I'll need to do some fiddling and hone my technical skills so that my voice and guitar can be arranged and accompanied so that the listening ear will be stopped dead in its tracks. I'm not a perfectionist because I believe that the process of recording always interferes/influences the music, but it can do that in a complimentary way and there's no reason why I can't just keep storing multiple versions of my songs and just keep on trying to fail better the next time.

I saw Mr.S who is going to Dominican Republic for a vacation tomorrow. Have fun buddy. Although I didn't get my anxious hands on his bass for some novel pleasure, we had a green beer to celebrate the snake killer and saw some punk bands. I don't like punk, or at least I haven't gotten into it. However, seeing people with gashes painted on their faces and publicity stunts involving syran-wrap and nudity was nostalgic of my teenage days when I'd go to an indy concert almost every week, to get out and rebel. Everyone needs one of those sentimental reflections once in awhile.

I went over to my friend Justin's to read through a script about a man who's offered a job to work at creating poisonous gas in a lab for the purposes of war. It was written in the thirties but the dialogue is a bit clunky, we agreed. It was hard for him to appropriate the angre he feels as the character leading up to the closing line which is something like: "I'd like to give your kind a sock in the mouth" at which point he punches the industrialist. At first he seems to go along with the coersion his boss is offering to lure him into the position, but then as he remembers how his brother was killed at the front, how his mother just couldn't take another death, and how he is being asked to spy on his coworkers, he simply cannot settle for that. It is good to see Justin doing well, keeping busy acting, modeling and caregiving. He's a well-rounded guy.

So, now school is consciously getting near its end for the year and the future has many opportunities both certain and uncertain. I'm sure I'll feel mentally and physically healthier once I start working full-time with a cash reward system instead of a reward system that involves numbers on paper that cannot be exchanged for commercial value on tests and assignments. I'll be busy and not so cold. I'll be finishing my part-time job after next weekend so then I'll be able to break out of the late-night routine that although consistent, I've grown to dislike.

All these factors will help me be able to plan in the future and take up things I've had to sacrifice because of the scholastic season. I've been frustrated with a lot of things lately, but then at the same time, more and more things have been falling into place, relieving me, reassuring me. I'm really looking forward to it all. So, I guess I'm not so bored, just taking a breather, in order to finish the marathon. I thank my blog for giving me this space to close the door on outer distractions and just inhale. It is always here for me. My set of current tasks are just one race which is snowballing into more, but that is good because I simply cannot stand being idle.


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